Donald Trump Reviews Birds From My Trip to the North East

Ed. note: Your usual amateurnithologist is super busy these days with his very hard job, as you know from his endless grousing. Lest the blog fall into disrepair for another week, we've secured the services of controversial presidential candidate Donald Trump. In exchange we promised to put in a good word for him with the eagles, who he fears desperately. This is a "big get" guys, so don't go posting any political stuff in the comments, he's very sensitive.

Common Grackle
Staten Island, New York, New York, USA
July 2015

Donald Trump's Remarks
I don't like the Grackles, and I think it's very rude that you've asked me to start with a question about a grackle. Unprofessional! Everyone knows, and lots of people are saying, grackles are coming into the country, ok? And they're bringing disease, they're bringing crime, and some of them are probably good birds. I'm going to build a wall, and the grackles are going to pay for it. No one builds walls to keep birds out better than me, and you know it!

Pied-billed Grebe
Central Park, Manhattan, New York, New York, USA
July 2015

Donald Trump's Remarks
Grebes: Irrelevant birds, no one cares that they exist! Total hack, loser birds! A disgusting bird, what good is a bird if it's not beautiful? Semi-domesticated? I like birds who weren't captured, ok. What a joke! I have long, beautiful fingers.

House Sparrow
Fore River Sanctuary, Portland, Maine, USA
July 2015

Donald Trump's Remarks
Look, a sparrow is a beautiful bird, and it flirts with me, ok? I get it. I get it. But it's just not a 10 anymore. Boring Sparrow is jealous of flashier birds! Acts very needy, but just trying to manipulate me. Sad!

Mallard
Fore River Sanctuary, Portland, Maine, USA
July 2015

Donald Trump's Remarks
Oh, look at my duck. Are you the greatest? Ducks love me. I'm eating a big bowl of swamp grass at trump tower right now. Water vegetables, very healthy. I have a great respect for ducks, and you know ducks like me. I've always had a great relationship with the ducks. (ed. note: Ducks support Donald Trump at approximately 5 percent).

House Finch
Maine Wildlife Park, Gray, Maine, USA
July 2015

Donald Trump's Remarks
Donald J. Trump is calling for a complete and total shutdown of finches entering the United States until our country's representatives can figure out what the hell is going on. I'm not saying they shouldn't come here at all, but there should be a loyalty test is what I'm saying. They need to have all the right documents, show the bird certificates. It's common sense!

Greylag Goose
Peaks Island, Portland, Maine, USA
July 2015

Donald Trump's Remarks
This is a big, beautiful, classy goose. If she weren't a bird, perhaps I'd be dating her. A smart bird, and I would know. My IQ is one of the highest. Goose should be number one bird. Birding is rigged! Ok? Ok, now somebody get these birds out of here. I wasn't joking, I hate birds, get them out of here.

What Kind of House is That, House Sparrow?

House Sparrow aka. English Sparrow
Battery Park, Manhattan, New York City, New York, USA
July 2015
Member of the Old World Sparrow Family
§A Host of Sparrows§
★The Most Widely Distributed Bird★

{Etymology Corner} The word Sparrow derives from the Old English word for speed. Makes sense, I guess, but there are faster birds.

~"true" bird fact~ Things this bird is claimed to 'represent' by various sources; loneliness, solitude, insignificance, loyalty, lust, sexual potency, commonness, vulgarity. People projecting all over this sparrow, dang.




What makes something a house and what makes something a home? This is a question a House Sparrow surely deals with often, since he has 'house' in his name. Is that really a house, House Sparrow? Are you living up to your name?

Nest Details
Construction: man-made hole in a traffic light, lined with coarse, dried vegetation.
Location: Bushwick, Brooklyn, NYC intersection.

PS- This is another bird released into New York City by the crazy guy who wanted all of the birds mentioned in Shakespeare to live in the new world. You know, the guy responsible for all these Starlings all over the place.

Birdter Homes & Gardens: Father's Day Edition

Birds can make a home anywhere. Even though people have largely destroyed the planet, birds remain successful. One of the great secret skills of birds is their ability to find a place to live. Often these places are worth photographing and cataloging themselves, doubly so when you can actually see the birds who make them into homes. Thus, a new feature is born- Birdter Homes & Gardens (please let the Amateurnithologist know if that title is just 'too much')

Home Details
Description: A metal pipe, original purpose of which is unknown
Location: Fruitvale Avenue, Oakland, California, above a Peet's Coffee
Occupants: Seem likely to be a family of song sparrows. They are looking pretty big, so perhaps they are getting ready to fly soon.

This adult sparrow would fly back and worth every 2 or 3 minutes, collecting some kind of food and returning to feed it to the chicks. Given today's holiday, we imagine this sparrow as a dutiful dad, going out and working hard to feed his kids (this may actually not be a male sparrow).

We at Amateurnithologist appreciate your many sacrifices and efforts, Dads and Birds, and wish you a happy Father's Day. Look for more posts soon!