Monday, August 22, 2016

Birds Are Going Back to School

Ah, late summer. It's that time of the year when it's super hot out, birds are least plentiful, and your Amateurnithologist struggles to get weekly posts out as he adjusts to returning to his full time job in the school system. Yes, school's back in session. But not just for you and me and maybe your kids. No, it's school time for birds as well. As birds return to school, they meet their new teachers for the semester and start to get a sense of what their next year is going to look like. Let's meet them too, since there's nothing better to do.

First Period: Professor Double-crested Cormorant
Subject: English Literature
Personality: Professorial in demeanor, a little stodgy. Think blazer with elbow patches. Believes in the power of learning and in the ability of books to change lives. Often disappointed in his students secretly, but doesn't show it. He's been doing this job for a long time and doesn't show signs of slowing down. Other teachers look up to him.
Teacher Rating: Inspiring

Second Period: Mr. American Crow (slightly leucristic)
Subject: Science
Personality: An eccentric who delights in finding creative ways to reach students. Lives for events like the rocket launch, the egg drop, or putting Mentos in Diet Coke. Very hands on. A little bit silly, gets along well with the kids since he's a bit of a kid-at-heart himself. Don't mention his leucism though, or god help you. He won't be mad, but he's a bit sensitive about it, and it'll hurt his feelings.
Teacher Rating: Fun

Third Period: Dr. Common Loon
Subject: Cooking
Personality: No one knows what her doctorate is in, why she is teaching cooking with a doctorate, or how a Loon acquired a doctorate in the first place. However, she is a good cooking teacher. Loves food, and the students tend to like her class, since it involves cooking and eating. Hints that she enjoys a full and interesting life outside of her job. Keeps these mysteries close to the vest.
Teacher Rating: Enigmatic

Fourth Period: Mrs. House Finch
Subject: History
Personality: Engages in a lot of rituals that shows her dominance over students, making them repeat things over and over or follow meaningless rules. Believes that the most important thing is that students submit to their teachers. Ruthless in her style with co-works as well, doesn't seem to be able to 'turn it off'. This style is successful for some young birds, but mostly leads to a lot of bad feelings.
Teacher Rating: Disliked

Fifth Period: Miss California Quail
Subject: Mathematics
Personality: Honestly not the greatest teacher, but very nice. Relationship-focused in her teaching philosophy. Gives her students a lot of affection and praise, doesn't put too much attention on the quality of the work. Students often come back years after graduating to visit Miss California Quail and give her a big hug. Maybe this is what's most important after all, since most of her students don't use the math very much (being birds).
Teacher Rating: Doting

Well that's all for today. Hopefully you learned a thing or two from these bird teachers, or at least got through your school experience relatively undamaged. Join me in a few days when I try to get back on the normal blog schedule with a common but fun bird that has evaded me for a long time. You won't want to miss it.

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