Horned Grebe

Horned Grebe aka. Slavonian Grebe (foreign)
Arrowhead Marsh, Oakland, California, USA
April 2019
Member of the Grebe Family
§A Waterdance of Grebes§

~true bird fact~ These Grebes swallow their own feathers in order to create a 'plug' in their stomach, which helps them filter out fish bones and other harder to digest materials. Parent Grebes will even feed their young these feathers, to get this system going earlier. Makes you wonder why we humans don't eat feathers.

 ~real bird legend~ According to the Blackfoot Native tribe, the Horned Grebe is always the first to spot danger. This is because the Old Man trickster fooled a bunch of ducks into dancing for him with their eyes closed. In this state he was able to bonk them on the head and kill them, but this Grebe, the smallest of the ducks present, peeked, and was able to escape and sound the alarm. This is also how he got his red eyes.

How Endangered Are They? Well, let's start with the good news- there are a lot of these Grebes still remaining- somewhere between 200 and 500,000. Another item to be optimistic about- they have a pretty global distribution living all across North America and Eurasia. However, these birds are going fast. Within the last 30 years, their global numbers have declined by 30%. The picture is much worse in North America where the declined is a much steeped 79%.  The reason? All the usual stuff, all our fault. Climate change, human disturbance of breeding habitat, the destruction of wetlands, and oil spills. We've even messed up their food supply of aquatic insects by introducing Rainbow Trout into bodies of water for fishing purposes. These birds are really getting it from every angle, sadly. My hope is that having survived the machinations of the trickster god, the Horned Grebes can survive us too.

Western Grebe

Western Grebe aka. Dabchick aka. Swan Grebe aka. Swan-necked Grebe
Lake Merritt, Oakland, California, USA
December 2018
Member of the Grebe Family
★Largest North American Grebe★
§A Waterdance of Grebes§ (and you should really check out that waterdance. These are technically different Grebes (Clark's), but these guys do the same thing, and were once thought to be the same species actually)

Chain-smoker
The type who wants to reach the peak of his hobby or interest. Driven
Zine contributor


You know, there weren't that many fun facts about this guy, aside from that water dancing (which, again, you should really take a look at), so that means there's time for a Naturalist Profile!

Sir William Lawrence

(1783 - 1867)

A busy and complicated guy, William Lawrence was a surgeon and author. He helped found The Lancet, a really important medical journal, and wrote a bunch of medical textbooks. He might have even been coined the term Biology. He's more famous, however, for his pre-Darwinian takes on evolution and human development. His wikipedia page is long and dense, but the long and short of it is he was right about a lot of things that few people were right about at the time, wrong about a lot of things, and also was declared blasphemous by the English court at the time. It is said that the level of caution with which Darwin published his early work could be attributed to what happened to Lawrence. He bounced back from this ignominy eventually and was made a Baron by the queen shortly before his death.

What does any of this have to do with birds? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. There is no mention of this Grebe, or indeed of birds, birding, or even naturalism in his wikipedia page. It almost makes me wonder if I have the wrong 'Sir William Lawrence', but multiple sources describe him as the original describer of this bird, despite it being a bird of the American West, and him being a British Surgeon. A mistake? Who knows! If it were, this would certainly be the first time this blog has been wrong about anything, that's for sure.

Eared Grebe

Eared Grebe aka. Black-necked Grebe
Lake Merritt, Oakland, California, USA
April 2017
Member of the Grebe Family
Cirque du Soleil presents §A Water Dance of Grebes§
★World's Most Abundant Grebe★ (congratulations!)

~true bird fact~ Eared Grebe goes through a pretty astounding cycle of transformations every year. While 'staging' (the period of prep time before migration), his body doubles in weight and he becomes completely flightless to bulk up. Then, right before migration, his digestive organs all shrink and his flight muscles and heart increase in size dramatically, allowing him to make the mirgratory flight. This process takes so long that this grebe has both the ★Latest Fall Migration of any North American Bird★ and the ★Longest Period of Flightlessness★ for any flighted bird (9-10 months of the year). I guess this goes without saying, but he also seasonally gets those cool head frills. This bird is a more compelling transformer than anything in those terrible Michael Bay movies, and you didn't even have to pay 15 dollars to see him.

Very high level of energy, seems to never run out of things to do
Cares a lot about being addressed with "respect"
Loves bawdy jokes
Has a pretty deep knowledge of old time-y hair products that he uses to get that look

Donald Trump Reviews Birds From My Trip to the North East

Ed. note: Your usual amateurnithologist is super busy these days with his very hard job, as you know from his endless grousing. Lest the blog fall into disrepair for another week, we've secured the services of controversial presidential candidate Donald Trump. In exchange we promised to put in a good word for him with the eagles, who he fears desperately. This is a "big get" guys, so don't go posting any political stuff in the comments, he's very sensitive.

Common Grackle
Staten Island, New York, New York, USA
July 2015

Donald Trump's Remarks
I don't like the Grackles, and I think it's very rude that you've asked me to start with a question about a grackle. Unprofessional! Everyone knows, and lots of people are saying, grackles are coming into the country, ok? And they're bringing disease, they're bringing crime, and some of them are probably good birds. I'm going to build a wall, and the grackles are going to pay for it. No one builds walls to keep birds out better than me, and you know it!

Pied-billed Grebe
Central Park, Manhattan, New York, New York, USA
July 2015

Donald Trump's Remarks
Grebes: Irrelevant birds, no one cares that they exist! Total hack, loser birds! A disgusting bird, what good is a bird if it's not beautiful? Semi-domesticated? I like birds who weren't captured, ok. What a joke! I have long, beautiful fingers.

House Sparrow
Fore River Sanctuary, Portland, Maine, USA
July 2015

Donald Trump's Remarks
Look, a sparrow is a beautiful bird, and it flirts with me, ok? I get it. I get it. But it's just not a 10 anymore. Boring Sparrow is jealous of flashier birds! Acts very needy, but just trying to manipulate me. Sad!

Mallard
Fore River Sanctuary, Portland, Maine, USA
July 2015

Donald Trump's Remarks
Oh, look at my duck. Are you the greatest? Ducks love me. I'm eating a big bowl of swamp grass at trump tower right now. Water vegetables, very healthy. I have a great respect for ducks, and you know ducks like me. I've always had a great relationship with the ducks. (ed. note: Ducks support Donald Trump at approximately 5 percent).

House Finch
Maine Wildlife Park, Gray, Maine, USA
July 2015

Donald Trump's Remarks
Donald J. Trump is calling for a complete and total shutdown of finches entering the United States until our country's representatives can figure out what the hell is going on. I'm not saying they shouldn't come here at all, but there should be a loyalty test is what I'm saying. They need to have all the right documents, show the bird certificates. It's common sense!

Greylag Goose
Peaks Island, Portland, Maine, USA
July 2015

Donald Trump's Remarks
This is a big, beautiful, classy goose. If she weren't a bird, perhaps I'd be dating her. A smart bird, and I would know. My IQ is one of the highest. Goose should be number one bird. Birding is rigged! Ok? Ok, now somebody get these birds out of here. I wasn't joking, I hate birds, get them out of here.

Pied-billed Grebe

Pied-billed Grebe aka. American Dabchick aka. Dabchick aka. Carolina Grebe aka. Devil-diver aka. Dive-dapper aka. Dipper aka. Hell-diver aka. Pied-billed Dabchick aka. Pied-bill aka. Thick-billed Grebe, aka. Water Witch
Lake Chabot, Castro Valley, California, USA
April 2016
Member of the Grebe Family
§A Water Dance of Grebes§

{Etymology Corner} We don't usually editorialize here at amateurnithologist (least of all in the Etymology Corner), but come on people who name Grebes, get it together. Look at that list of names up there, just look at it. Hell Diver? Water Witch?? Anyway, the Pied-billed Grebe has the latin name PODICIPEDIFORMES, which basically means Butt Feet. Which is true, the feet really are very far back on the bird in this case. It helps make her an expert swimmer, but she looks rather awkward on land.

~true bird fact~ Eats a great amount of her own feathers. At any time a Pied-billed Grebes belly might be as much as half full of feathers. Does she do this because she's an idiot? No, she does not. It is believed that the stomach feathers make a kind of biological sieve, which keeps sharp or hard parts of the crustaceans she eats from entering and damaging her intestines.

Plays the standing harp
Even if you really don't believe in the supernatural, you have a feeling that this bird has a bit of magical powers to it
Unclear, but seemingly beneficent, motives
Makes a lot of complaints to managers