Donald Trump Reviews Birds From My Trip to the North East

Ed. note: Your usual amateurnithologist is super busy these days with his very hard job, as you know from his endless grousing. Lest the blog fall into disrepair for another week, we've secured the services of controversial presidential candidate Donald Trump. In exchange we promised to put in a good word for him with the eagles, who he fears desperately. This is a "big get" guys, so don't go posting any political stuff in the comments, he's very sensitive.

Common Grackle
Staten Island, New York, New York, USA
July 2015

Donald Trump's Remarks
I don't like the Grackles, and I think it's very rude that you've asked me to start with a question about a grackle. Unprofessional! Everyone knows, and lots of people are saying, grackles are coming into the country, ok? And they're bringing disease, they're bringing crime, and some of them are probably good birds. I'm going to build a wall, and the grackles are going to pay for it. No one builds walls to keep birds out better than me, and you know it!

Pied-billed Grebe
Central Park, Manhattan, New York, New York, USA
July 2015

Donald Trump's Remarks
Grebes: Irrelevant birds, no one cares that they exist! Total hack, loser birds! A disgusting bird, what good is a bird if it's not beautiful? Semi-domesticated? I like birds who weren't captured, ok. What a joke! I have long, beautiful fingers.

House Sparrow
Fore River Sanctuary, Portland, Maine, USA
July 2015

Donald Trump's Remarks
Look, a sparrow is a beautiful bird, and it flirts with me, ok? I get it. I get it. But it's just not a 10 anymore. Boring Sparrow is jealous of flashier birds! Acts very needy, but just trying to manipulate me. Sad!

Mallard
Fore River Sanctuary, Portland, Maine, USA
July 2015

Donald Trump's Remarks
Oh, look at my duck. Are you the greatest? Ducks love me. I'm eating a big bowl of swamp grass at trump tower right now. Water vegetables, very healthy. I have a great respect for ducks, and you know ducks like me. I've always had a great relationship with the ducks. (ed. note: Ducks support Donald Trump at approximately 5 percent).

House Finch
Maine Wildlife Park, Gray, Maine, USA
July 2015

Donald Trump's Remarks
Donald J. Trump is calling for a complete and total shutdown of finches entering the United States until our country's representatives can figure out what the hell is going on. I'm not saying they shouldn't come here at all, but there should be a loyalty test is what I'm saying. They need to have all the right documents, show the bird certificates. It's common sense!

Greylag Goose
Peaks Island, Portland, Maine, USA
July 2015

Donald Trump's Remarks
This is a big, beautiful, classy goose. If she weren't a bird, perhaps I'd be dating her. A smart bird, and I would know. My IQ is one of the highest. Goose should be number one bird. Birding is rigged! Ok? Ok, now somebody get these birds out of here. I wasn't joking, I hate birds, get them out of here.

Ring-billed Gull

Ring-billed Gull aka. "Fast Food Gull" (derogatory?)
Hirtle's Beach, Nova Scotia, Canada
August 2016
Member of the Gull/Tern Family
§A Scavenging of Gulls§
★Most common gull in North America (probably) ★

~true bird fact~ Many have wondered about some birds ability to migrate long distances and come back to the same exact spots year after year for nesting. It turns (or terns) out that they have something of a sixth sense for magnetism. Ring-billed Gull chicks as young as two days old could identify a magnetic bearing that pointed in the direction for their fall migration. This was probably one of the "cuter" science experiments.

Burning hatred for man and his evils
Aside from this few motivations or interests, almost nihilistic
Unlike many gulls, he doesn't even enjoy the junk food he pilfers, doing it only because he hopes it will upset or disgust us
Ongoing alliance with rats, ants, roaches

Cedar Waxwing

Cedar Waxwing
Mahone Bay, Nova Scotia, Canada
August 2014
Member of the Waxwing Family
§A Museum of Waxwings§ (eyeroll)

~true bird fact~ One of the few North American birds that subsists on a mostly fruit-based diet, the Cedar Waxwing has all kind of berry facts associated with him. [berryfact 1] When a berry-laden branch is only accessible to one bird at a time, often members of the flock will form an assembly line, passing berries to each other from beak to beak to ensure everyone gets to eat. [berrryfact 2] Sometimes, a waxwing's trademark tail band is orange instead of yellow. This is because he has been eating a berry with a certain kind of pigment. [berryfact 3] Because of their heavy fruit diet, waxwings are the rare bird that occasionally gets drunk by eating fermented berries (awesome! party on dude!). This can lead to the inebriated birds flying into cars or windows, or sometimes simply dying of alcohol poisoning (oh... not so awesome).

Cool, but a lot of work goes into it
Lots of high fives among cedar waxwings
Often egg each other on into engaging in dangerous stunts
"I just like to have fun!" said defensively

Black Guillemot

Black Guillemot aka. Sea Pigeon aka. Tystie (?)
Bird Islands, Nova Scotia, Canada
Member of the Auks, Murres, and Puffins Family
§A Loomery of Guillemots§


~true bird fact~ A truly impressive diver. Can go as deep at 165 feet below the water and can stay down for nearly two and a half minutes. Hey, if you don't think it's impressive, you can try it.


Wise and patient. Mentorly
Likes minty flavors
Likes warm weather, yet lives pretty much exclusively in really cold places. Dreams of Florida
Somewhat disconnected from the problems a modern bird faces

Mystery Bird: Anxious Bird

TIGHTLY WOUND BIRD
Church Lake, Nova Scotia, Canada
Best Guess: Brown-headed Nuthatch (out of usual range?)

Obsesses over timing. Always thinks about being 'too late' or 'too early'
Puts everything on an immaculately color-coded calendar. Good at planning
Awkwardly freezes up at parties and uncomfortable social situations. Better one on one. A little better.
Really thoughtful gift giver. Knows just what you like

Razorbill / Great Auk Talk

Razorbill
Bird Islands, Nova Scotia, Canada
Member of the Auks, Murres, and Puffins Family
§A Strop of Razorbills§

~true bird fact~
Hide the babies and the grandmas, unless it's a sassy grandma who raps or something. This bird loves sex. Razorbills are one of those famous monogamous type birds who picks a partner and then sticks together. Sounds charming and quaint, right? Well, let's just say they the fire doesn't go out for our Razorbill couple. Quoth Wikipedia- "The pair will mate up to 80 times in a 30 day period to ensure fertilization". Sure Razorbill, to ensure fertilization, that's what you're having all that sex for.
 

As long time readers know, one of my jobs as amateurnithologist is to come up with imagined personality traits for birds. These ideas are usually snap judgements, vaguely impressions gained from spending time around the bird, or conclusions I come to based on a highly dangerous and mystical mind-melding techniques. Sometimes, however, your opinion of a bird changes based on your research. To be honest, I never would have pegged Razorbills as enthusiastic lovers. They seem more like fighters to me. Maybe it's the name (and it is probably the most bad ass name among birds), or maybe it's that their closest relative is the extinct Greak Auk. Since I'm not so sure about Razorbill's personality anymore let's talk about his ancestor instead.

John Gerrard Keulemans, Wikipedia.org. Public Domain

This impressive bird was the northern hemisphere's convergent evolution of penguins. Almost three feet tall and with a razor sharp bill almost as long his wings, this flightless bird cut quite an imposing figure. Of course not imposing enough to avoid being hunted to death by explorers. They were used extensively for their meat, their feathers, and as kindling for fires (no kidding, their flesh was oily enough that it was the only source of long burning fuel in places that were too far north to have trees). As Great Auk supplies dwindled, the demand for them and their extraordinarily large eggs only increased with wealthy Europeans. One was killed in England by sailors who thought the bird was a witch in disguise.
The final nail was driven into their coffin when a previously unreachable colony in Iceland was discovered. Ironically, museums who wanted specimens for preservation were responsible for killing the last birds in 1844. They were strangled to death, because the Great Auk as a species apparently hadn't been through enough already. I always hold out hope that extinctions like this turn out to be false, like the miraculous Coelacanth. They are, after all, sea birds, and if there's one place we perhaps haven't explored perfectly it's the Arctic Ocean. A report of a sighting in 1858 holds out a little hope for this kind of thing. Like his contemporary, the Dodo, the Great Auk has gained a place in culture as one of the few birds we've really gotten to see go extinct. Great Auk regret is a fairly common theme in literature, and wikipedia lists a number of depressing sounding children's books especially on the topic.

We'll close with an Ogden Nash poem about the bird

A Caution to Everybody

Consider the auk;

Becoming extinct because he forgot how to fly, and could only walk.

Consider man, who may well become extinct

Because he forgot how to walk and learned how to fly before he thinked.

Great Black-backed Gull

A lot of people say to me "Amateurnithologist, huh? Maybe you should change your name since you're such a bird expert now!" Then they usually take my lunch and shove me into a locker, because the world is filled with mean bullies. On the other hand though, I can see the point they're trying to make. I have gotten better at this birding thing. I mean, probably, right? I'm correctly identifying more birds in the field, people are asking me bird related questions in my real life, and I recently got accepted into an awesome bird picture calendar. But something still nags at me, keeping me from saying I'm truly a moderately-well-versed-nithologist. If I want to figure out if I've really gotten better, I'll need a rematch with my old foe, seagulls. For a brief perusal of my embarrassing history with seagulls, click here, here, and definitely here. Ok, that was demoralizing, but let's give it a try~



Great Black-backed Gull
Bird Island, Nova Scotia, Canada
Member of the Gull Family
★Largest Gull★
§A Flotilla of Gulls§

~real bird quote~
"While cruising along the bleak and barren coasts of southern Labrador I learned to know and admire this magnificent gull, as we saw it sailing on its powerful wings high above the desolate crags and rocky islets of that forbidding shore, its chosen summer home. Its resemblance to the bald eagle was striking, as it soared aloft and wheeled in great circles, showing its broad black back and wings in sharp contrast with its snow-white head and tail, glistening in the sunlight. It surely seemed to be a king among the gulls, a merciless tyrant over its fellows, the largest and strongest of its tribe. No weaker gull dared to intrude upon its feudal domain; the islet it had chosen for its home was deserted and shunned by other less aggressive waterfowl, for no other nest was safe about the castle of this robber baron, only the eider duck being strong enough to defend its young."
-Arthur Cleveland Bent, Life Histories of North American Gulls and Terns, 1921

~true bird fact~ It's true, what Arthur Bent said up there. The Great Black-backed is a tough bird. Here is a *not great* image I captured of him chasing away the notoriously chicken Bald Eagle. This was a behavior I observed many times on my birding trips. This bird fears nothing, is huge (5 foot wingspan), and has been known to swallow up smaller gulls and puffins (no!) in one bite. Well, he fears nothing except the most deadly animal of all (turns out its man). In the 1800's Black-backed gull feathers were considered extremely fashionable, and so the gull was hunted to the point of serious population depletion. After the feather trade ended in the 1900's, the population recovered, thanks in large part to the expansion of garbage dumps that gulls could easily feed at.

Exactly as tough as everyone thinks he is
Had a bad childhood. Doesn't know any other way to do things

Has a menacing calm to him

Just a real bad dude with real bad 'tude overall

Makes an example of those who get in his way

 /!\ Trigger Warning: Dead Bird /!\

Black-capped Chickadee

Black-capped Chickadee
Cavendish, Prince Edward Island, Canada
Member of the Titmouse and Chickadee Family
★State Bird of Massachusetts and Maine★
§A Banditry of Chickadees§

~true bird fact~ Chickadees are tiny, tiny birds, so you might expect them to be kind of dumb. They do have super-small brains, after all. However, all evidence points to them actually being very bright- they've got an extremely complex system of communication, having different calls for alarms, contact calls, identifying specific other birds, or even other flocks. They can also remember food that they've stored in hundreds of different places. They even appear to have some kind of social hierarchy within their flocks. How do they do this? Well, apparently Chickadee neurons die off in huge numbers every year in the autumn, allowing them to grow new neurons which quickly pick up new and useful information. In other words they never run out of room to learn new things.

Curiosity and mischievous nature often gets her into trouble
Precocious vocabulary, very dramatic
Plucky
Even grumpy old people can't help but smile at her positive attitude
Orphaned by her parents at a young age

Bald Eagle & Family

 

The Bald Eagle. Majestic Bird of Prey. Powerful Symbol. Doting Parent? 

Yes to all of the above.

The pictures in this blog were taken at the Bird Islands on the Northern Coast of Nova Scotia. These small islands are something of a haven for all manner of sea birds to breed, since they have no terrestrial predators on them. Of course this also makes the island perfect for birds of prey. Every year Bald Eagles take their juvenile offspring to these islands to teach them how to hunt. Sorry puffins.

I know you want to see that in .gif form, so click here. What an impressive sight!

Here you can see the adult and juvenile in one of the sea caves ringing the island, perhaps on the lookout for the next opportunity, or maybe just doing some parent-child bonding. Bald Eagle can't help but wonder what will become of their once close bond as his child gets older and seemingly more distant. And yet he sees in him such potential, feels such pride. It is a time of many confusing emotions. Also, his kid is a dumb idiot who doesn't know how to do anything, like all teenagers. Life is rough for Bald Eagle. Why else would he be losing his hair like that?

Bald Eagles, Adult

Bird Island, Nova Scotia, Canada

Member of the Kites, Eagles, and Hawks family
★National Bird of the United States of America★
§A Jubilee of Eagles§

~true bird fact~ Not quite the brutally efficient hunters they might appear to be, the Bald Eagle is kind of a baby. He gets easily scared away by smaller birds, and your amateurnithologist witnessed him getting harassed by seagulls on this very expedition, which is not something you live down easily.  Furthermore, Bald Eagles often get their food more through cooperation with each other, or by harassing other raptors into dropping their newly caught prey. It is because of these characteristics that Benjamin Franklin did not want this bird to become our national symbol, famously preferring the Turkey. Here, have ye a quote "For my own part, I wish the Bald Eagle had not been chosen the Representative of our Country. He is a Bird of bad moral Character. He does not get his Living honestly. … Besides he is a rank Coward: The little King Bird not bigger than a Sparrow attacks him boldly and drives him out of the District.”

A real neurotic. Second guesses everything

Channels frustration about home life into being a real dick at work

Uses political clout to get his kid out of trouble

Has Opinions about Taxes

 

Bald Eagle, Juvenile

Doesn't want to be like you, dad, GOD!

Wanderlust

Doesn't think about other people's feelings

Makes real efforts to be open to new experiences, but is secretly terrified

Actually pretty similar in character to his dad, deep down

Atlantic Puffin

Atlantic Puffin
Bird Island, Nova Scotia, Canada
Member of the Auks, Murres, and Puffins family
★Provincial Bird of Newfoundland and Labrador★
§A Puffinry of Puffins§

~true bird fact~ Puffins have small wings, so they have to beat them over 300 times per minute to stay in flight. Good thing they don't have to fly much. In fact, they are small birds overall, being usually about 10 inches tall and weighing about as much as a can of soda.

~real bird ritual~ On the Icelandic island of Heimaey, fledgling Puffins who leave their nests for the first time sometimes get lost on their way to sea, so local children take turns paroling the town at night and rescuing the Pufflings (really called this). There's a children's book about this event.

Avid readers
Likes to have the same daily schedule every day, almost compulsive about it
Favorite food- soft serve ice cream
Are serious birds, and work really hard, so please don't call them 'Clown of the Sea' or 'Little Brother of the North' or other embarrassing names. Sheesh.

Nest Details
Construction: Burrow. Often beginning as a natural indentation in the sea rock, but dug out by the puffin using his strong beak. Inside there is a narrow shaft, 2 or 3 feet long, leading to a nest lined with foliage and feathers. Puffin homes often include a separate bathroom area (!!) so that the puffin chicks don't get themselves dirty.
Location: Sheer cliff face on islands that lack terrestrial predators. In this case, Bird Island in Nova Scotia's Cape Breton. Often the only way for people to see these birds is on chartered boat tours. I pause here to briefly plug Donelda's Puffin Tours, which was overall very awesome and included lots of birds that will be making the blog in the next few weeks.
Occupants: Puffins pair off monogamously and stay in the same burrow every year. They lay only one egg each year and share parenting duties. Very traditional, puffins are.

Bald Eagle Seizing a Fish

Hello blog fans. We've been out of town on a birding/family/personal vacation in the great maritime provinces of exotic Canada. Unfortunately, since we had to fire that intern, there has been no one to man the bird blog while we were away. The internet access here isn't really supportive of a full blog, so instead I'm posting a triptych of a Bald Eagle swooping down and taking a fish from the water that I was able to capture on this trip. Thanks 'continuous shooting mode'. On this same boat trip I was able to check Razorbills and Atlantic Puffins off the old life list, among others. Full profiles to follow shortly. We are BACKLOGGED with birds. Consider this a teaser. -A

Bird Portraiture: Ruby-throated Hummingbird

Ruby-throated Hummingbird

Church Lake, Nova Scotia, Canada
Member of the Hummingbird Family
*true hummingbird fact*~Hummingbirds can fly backwards as quickly as they can fly forwards. They can also hover. They are the only birds able to do this sort of thing.

*true bird fact that is actually relevant to this specific bird*~ The Ruby-throated Hummingbird has quite a unique migration pattern. To begin with, they are the only hummingbird east of the Mississippi. Additionally, their migrations are timed to the blooming of their favorite flower species. Some of them even travel across the Gulf of Mexico, a distance of 500 miles over water without stopping. Quite a feat for such a little bird.

No discernible personality beyond endless need for fuel

Is actually a bug or something, probably

Maybe a robot, that would also make sense

I mean just look at this guy

Birds.gif: Sparrow Bathing

 (click me to witness unprecedented degrees of bird drying)

White-crowned Sparrow
Churchill, Manitoba, Canada
Member of the Sparrow Family
*true bird fact*~ Most of what scientists know about bird song comes from study of the white-crowned sparrow. Sparrow songs differ by region, meaning that two different birds can speak 'different languages'. Some are even 'bilingual'!

Has what is called 'bird pride'
A harsh judge of character, but fair to those he deems worthy
Has a spiritual nature that is impossible to ignore
Patient but resolute

Full vids of bird both washing AND drying. Don't say we never went the extra mile for you here at amateurnithologist:

Christmas Special: Turtle Dove

Turtle Dove aka. Mourning Dove aka. Rain Dove
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Member of the Pigeons/Doves Family
*true bird fact*~ The most hunted of all birds, in some years as many as 70 million will be shot in the US alone. Wow, that's terrible!

A delicate, artistic type
Spends a surprising amount of time on the internet
Genteel and soft-spoken, to the point of sometimes speaking too softly
Really does want to help
Pretends she hates that one Christmas song that she's in, but actually kind of enjoys it

Bird Talks: The Photogenic Pigeons of Toronto

 Pigeons, official bird of the City. They are interesting for a number of reasons.
They are, perhaps, the most reviled bird there is. Unsurprisingly, we (the amateurnithologist) believe this to be the result of a deep misunderstanding and find quite a lot to like about them.

One thinks of a pigeon, on first blush, as being the closest analogue the bird kingdom has to a homeless person, a drifter. Often poorly groomed, vaguely sick looking, probably addicted to drugs.

But let's not forget- pigeons are marvelously adaptive and have succeeded in living among humans to an admirable extent. It is not their word that is dirty, dangerous, infectious, poisoned. It is ours.

I think pigeons are really more like naturalists or anthropologists. They enter into our world and do their best to blend in. They are observing us in our natural environment. So next time you judge a pigeon, remember, he may be judging you right back.

With an opinion,
Amateurnithologist

Rock Dove aka Rock Pigeon aka 'Pigeon'
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Member of the Doves/Pigeons Family
*true bird fact*~ The bird with the second longest relationship with human beings, Rock Doves have been domesticated for over 5000 years. That's just slightly shorter than the horse.

Birdter Homes & Gardens: Swallow's Nest

Home Details
Description: A mud nest, the construction of which took over a thousand trips for the swallow
Location: Oak Hammock Marsh Interpretive Center, Stonewall, Manitoba, Canada
Occupants:A Barn Swallow, presumably her eggs. Wait a second, did I just successfully take a picture of a swallow?! The calls for a celebration!


Barn Swallow
Oak Hammock Marsh, Manitoba, Canada
Member of the Swallow Family
*true bird facts*~ The most abundant and widely distributed swallow in the world, some estimate that there are 200 million of her in the world. That's a hard number to... swallow.

A free spirit, no one can tell her what to do
Mentions her favorite inspirational quotes frequently
Shops at the farmer's market
Has never really known hardship, but cares deeply about issues
Knows about flowers