Saturday, March 3, 2018

If Birds were The Bachelor: The Birdchelor


Hi, I'm Chris Harris'shawk, welcome to the Birdchelor. On this season we'll be taking 14 lucky birds to beautiful Baja California Sur, where they will compete for the heart of our accomplished Birdchelor. Tonight we're going to be meeting and learning a little bit about our contestants, but first it's time for the bird of the hour


White-winged Dove
The Birdchelor
"Wow"
"I love that"
"You look beautiful"

Fantastic. Isn't he a catch? Well, the following birds certainly think so. Let's meet them now

Brown Pelicans
TWINS
[simultaneously] "We're double trouble, a 2-for-1 special, and a triple threat!"

 Killdeer
Medical Supply Salesbird
"I've got a bad feeling about this"

Osprey
Instagram Celebrity
"I never play games, so let the games begin"

Hooded Oriole
Silly-invention Pedler
"I'm here to find my birdsband. No, I've never thought of a more reliable way to do it than this, why do you ask?"

House Finch
Folks Wisdomologist
"Gosh, do you think someone might like me? And on television?"

European Starling
Accent-haver
"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because of my many bad personality traits"

American Kestrel
Yoga Mat Sales Rep
"You can take the Kestrel out of America, but you can't take the America out of the Kestrel! Yee-Haw!"

California Scrub-Jay
Professional Gambler
"Hey White-winged Dove, I hope you'll... roll the dice on me" [blows on some dice, winks]

Snowy Egret
Fire Fighter
"I'm not here to make friends, but mostly because my cruelty makes it impossible for me to do so"

Pied-billed Grebe
Mom-fashion Expert, Momsultant, Momtrepeneur
"Cabo is the perfect place for me, a mom, to find love"

Website something-or-other
"I sure hope no one asks me about my traumatic past"

Common Gallinule
Phony Wellness Product Endorser
"You don't have to be crazy to come on this show, but that's what's going on with me"

Northern Mockingbird
Oddly Accomplished
"Free trip to Mexico? Sure, why not! I hope the Birdchelor doesn't try and talk to me"

A terrific group of birds, I'm sure you'll agree. This season promises to be the most dramatic season of the Birdchelor ever. Stay tuned!

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