Thursday, January 26, 2017

Go Falcons! An Unbiased Bird Analysis

Peregrine Falcon aka. Peregine aka. Duck Hawk (archaic)
Point Lobos State Natural Preserve, Carmel-By-The-Sea, California, USA
October 2016
Member of the Falcon Family
§An Eyrie of Falcons§
★Fastest Animal on Earth, Clocked in at 242mph in a Swoop Are You Freaking Kidding Me
★The World's Most Widespread Raptor, Can Be Found in Every Non-Ice-Covered Land Mass Except New Zealand Holy Moly
★Nation Bird of the United Arab Emirates
★Official Bird of Chicago
~true bird fact~ One of the species most impacted by the use of the pesticide DDT, in 1975 there were only about 300 pairs left alive in the USA. He was on the endangered species list from 1970 til 1999, and the population remains strong today. Recovery efforts were not just aided by the elimination of our use of these pesticides, but also by centuries of falcon-handling knowledge from falconers who had long trained these birds for hunting and sports. Dang what a cool bird.

I hear there's some kinda football game coming up in which some Falcons will take on the New England Patriots, so I thought I might include some football related stats to help you figure out which team to root for on Superbowl Sunday. For the purposes of this calculation I assume the mascot of the New England Patriots is a human man of a patriotic nature. You could make a case that it's a Bald Eagle, but don't be silly, birds aren't patriotic, despite whatever meanings are attached to them.

Weight of a football: 15oz
Weight of the heaviest likely prey of a falcon: 38oz
Verdict: A falcon can easily lift a football and carry it above the heads of the football men. An average NFL football player weighs around 260lbs. It would take 109 falcons to carry an NFL player comfortably, but I bet they could do it with less if they really tried. This would be a truly terrifying spectacle.

Speed of the fastest linebacker: 18.68mph
Speed of a falcon chasing prey: 69mph
Verdict: The falcon would never be caught by a patriot, and would easily pursue him if he tried to escape. In fact the fastest football pass was 59mph, meaning the falcon could even intercept the ball mid-air.

Weight of a Falcon: ~3lbs
Force of a Falcon Strike: 145 Newtons
Force of an NFL Tackle: 7117 Newtons
Verdict: Well, a patriotic football man definitely hits hard, but we've already established there are over 100 falcons here, so I think there should be no problem

Prediction: Falcons win the SuperbOwl!

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